Worth the Risk
by R. Grace
Summary: "When Matthew was unsure of Mary's whereabouts, he'd learned to check the nursery..." Mary and Matthew discuss their fears and hopes for the future. One-shot. Spoilers for 3.05.


_A/N: Written in response to an anonymous prompt on tumblr. Enjoy! :)_

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When Matthew was unsure of Mary's whereabouts, he'd learned to check the nursery. She could often be found there, holding baby Sybil in her arms, cooing sweet nothings and playing with her tiny fingers.

Mary _should_ be a mother. She deserved to be. He _wanted_ her to be. But the very thought of having to stand by while she... And then he would remember the look on Tom's face - the helpless, desperate look of a man about to lose the one dearest to him. Could he possibly risk it with Mary? She had become his whole world; she was his rock, his storm braver. She was more precious to him than his own life. If only he could take the risk and the pain for her, he would do it gladly.

As on many occasions, the need to be in her presence drew him to the nursery door. He paused for a moment to listen to her soft voice as she spoke gently to their niece, his brow creasing with concern at her words.

"I hope you'll have a little cousin soon, darling girl. Perhaps a a little girl cousin who'll look up to you the way your mother did me."

Matthew paused with his hand hovering over the door knob, battling simultaneous urges to run to her and to run away.

"I know your mama thinks you were worth it, little one," Mary continued, her voice almost a whisper. "She loves you so very, very much, you know. And so do I."

Unable to resist his need for contact with her, Matthew slowly pushed the door open and entered, going immediately to Mary's side and placing a hand on each of her shoulders. Bending low, he placed a kiss first on Mary's cheek, then on little Sybil's downy head.

"Would you like to hold her, darling?" Mary asked, standing so that Matthew could take her place in the rocking chair.

"I'd love to," he answered, seating himself and opening his arms to receive the little squirming bundle.

Mary stood aside for a moment, a fond smile on her face, as she watched her husband coo and cluck at his tiny niece who stared up at him with wide, adoring eyes.

"I think she's rather taken with you," Mary teased. "Of course, I don't blame her."

She moved to stand by his side, rubbing one hand lightly between his shoulder blades.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a moment as Mary looked on. She loved to watch Matthew hold the baby. There was something...deeply touching about watching someone so strong be so tender. She hoped -oh, she hoped! - that some time soon she might watch him with his own children.

"Matthew..."

"Yes, dear." He glanced up at her, a peaceful smile on his face.

"Let's not stop trying, Matthew."

A heavy silence fell as Matthew returned his eyes to little Sybil's face, watching as her delicate lids began to droop sleepily.

"I know how you've been feeling since...But, darling...don't you think it's worth the risk?"

Matthew closed his eyes and breathed deeply, mindful of the precious bundle in his arms. He knew he needed to remain calm, but it wasn't easy. Mary had chosen her moment well.

It had been just over a month since little Sybil's birth. They hadn't made love since. He almost hadn't wanted to. A terrifying image of Mary's face, still, pale, and lifeless, haunted him every time he saw her lying in their bed. He still held her close, kissed her. How could he not? If Tom's tragic loss of his young wife had taught Matthew anything, it was to cherish Mary while they still had each other.

"I'm...I don't know," he responded haltingly, running one hand over his tense forehead.

"I understand why you might feel that way," Mary spoke firmly, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "But, Matthew, this isn't only your choice. It's mine too, and I want to keep trying."

"But, Mary..."

"No. No 'buts,' darling," she interrupted. "We _are_ going to keep trying, and that's that. We're not giving up."

Matthew sighed heavily at her insistence, standing carefully to place baby Sybil, now peacefully asleep, in her crib. Once his hands were free, he scrubbed them over his face, turning slowly to face Mary's stubborn glare.

"Besides," Mary continued, arching one delicate eyebrow, "do you really think you could...do without for the rest of your life? I know I could't."

He had to smile a little at her playful flirtation, feeling his blood stir slightly at the thought of resuming the intimacy that they had been far too long without.

"I know I couldn't resist you for much longer, my love, but...there are ways."

"And we're not going to use any of them," Mary insisted, taking a step towards him. "Besides," she began again, her eyes dropping self-consciously to the carpet at Matthew's feet, "I may not be able...All your worries may very well be for naught."

"Oh, darling." Recognizing the vulnerable expression on her face, Matthew closed the distance between them and drew her into his arms. Her body stiffened for several moments, but he didn't let go, waiting patiently until she eventually relaxed against him.

"I'm sure it isn't you," he whispered against her hair. "Perhaps I should...go up to London for that test. That way, at least we'd know."

"Oh, Matthew! There's _nothing_ wrong with you. Nothing whatsoever. I've spent enough time with..._that_ part of your anatomy. I think I should know."

He couldn't help but laugh at her boldness.

"Does nothing make you blush?" he teased, his hands moving slowly over her back.

"If it didn't before our marriage, why would it now?" she responded with a playful smile, standing on her toes to press her lips to his.

Matthew groaned into her mouth, leaning into the kiss. Her tongue teased its way into his mouth, and he was lost. All he could think of at that moment was finding a place to hide away and...

Before he could complete the thought, Mary broke the kiss, sighing softly as she rested her head against his chest.

"Do you know what I think, dear?" she asked, her voice suddenly somber.

"Hm?"

"I think that...part of your hesitation to keep trying has nothing to do with fear of losing me. I think it would have been easier to simply...give up, rather than face the possibility of failure."

Matthew's heavy sigh tickled against her ear.

"I married a very, very wise woman."

Mary smiled against the fabric of his coat, her arms tightening around his waist as she inhaled his familiar, comforting scent. Drawing back a little, she took both his hands in hers, twining their fingers together intimately.

"Now, I want you to take me for a little drive in the countryside."

"In the mood for a picnic, are you?" Matthew asked teasingly, his heart racing at the thought of having Mary all to himself for a while. It had been far too long.

Mary shook her head in fond exasperation. Her hands released his, moving instead to stroke the light shadow on his jaw.

"No picnic. Just you," she answered sincerely, moving a little closer to brush her lips lightly over his.

When they were situated in the car, Mary reached for his hand, holding it in both of hers as she gazed resolutely into his eyes.

"Matthew, let's not...worry about making a baby just now. Today, I just want to make love."

_Fin._


End file.
